The Visitation Rule...

I’ve been gone for a minute, but now I’m slowly coming back to share my inspiration or to let people know they aren’t alone or to give another view point that you may not have considered before.  First and foremost I wanted to state that fact that the reason I haven’t really blogged to much  is because the place that my inspiration has been derived from as of late is from a very personal place and can come across as “played out”, but nevertheless I’ve realized that I can’t control where my motivation comes from it just comes lol.  So with that being said let’s get into this!

I’m working on a series in regards to Male and Female relationships and the dynamics of those interactions, the first one is called….

The Visitation Rule:

What is this rule about you may ask, but I’m sure many of you can guess by the title where I’m about to go with this and to paint the picture perfectly clear I’m going to be 100% real and divulge some very personal information.  In 2005 at the age of 21 there was a guy that I really liked.  He had tried to sleep with me for about 5 months leading up to when I finally took a trip to see him.  All the times he made his advances I denied him even though I physically was attracted to him.  So after several conversations and him telling me that sex wasn’t really that important he flew me to see him and lo and behold…we had sex.  Now in my mind even though I was physically attracted to him in the back of my mind I felt a sense of obligation to sleep with him, the outcome of the situation was he sent my ass home after treating me for 3 days and didn’t speak to me unless there was an opportunity for us to sleep together or by some chance ran into each other.  We’re still cool and speak to this day, but I learned a lot from that one situation.  Fast forward to 25 year old Brandy who lives in Las Vegas.  As you may well know Las Vegas is a transient city and the majority of men that I come across are strictly looking for a good time considering the fact that I live here, the fast life of participating in random flings is far from appealing to me.  Yet and still I have several men that I know from out of town who insist on asking me the following questions, “so when are you going to show me around Vegas”, “when can I come visit”, “so when are you going to invite me to Vegas”.  As much as I would like to be a tour guide for male friends or men seeking my attention it takes entirely too much energy and my response to those comments depending on who it is: “Don’t plan any trips out to Vegas just to see me”.  I feel like there is really only one occasion under which a man should come to Vegas and know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ll actually show you around and we do the caked up thing….and that’s if we are dating.  To put this into perspective, the only man to come to Vegas and get 95% of my attention was my ex for obvious reasons.  The reality of the situation is this, and all men are not like this, but in his mind I’m led to believe from personal/past experience that no man is flying across the country to “just chill”!  This is why I avoid male company, the only time I truly feel okay with hanging out with a guy that’s in town is if they are already coming into town and the sole purpose of their trip is not to see me, but to come to Vegas.  The reality of this is that a lot of people actually feel this way and lord knows I’m not trying to invite someone to visit me/stay with me and they end up pissed off because they thought I was joking about not wanting to have sex.  So the visitation rule is this, unless we’re working on a relationship, in a relationship, or you’re already in town for a reason unrelated to me….there is no visitation!  What do you think?

Good Reading!!! Watch and Buy these books!

He Has AIDS

So last night as I sat on my couch and watched a movie around 12am I received a call.  I don't get too many anonymous calls, but my interest was peaked as to who could possibly be calling me this late and didn't want me to know who they were.  After three or four rings I answered the phone and there was a woman on the other end, she didn't say hello or anything, she got straight to business.  The first thing she asked was "Do you know _______?".  So my first thought was okay this is a friend of mines girl who is going thru his phone and calling females to see if he 's creeping.  Slightly offended and caught off guard I quickly told her that I knew him, but that was the extent of it and that she had reached me in error.  She then told me the shocking news and she stated the following, "Two weeks ago we found out that my best friend contracted AIDS from him and he gave us his phone to contact people".  As I sat there in shock and disbelief at what I was hearing she began to mention that her friend had been in a mental instituation and was taking this hard as I would expect anyone who has been given what's thought of as a death sentence at the hands of someone they trusted would be.  Af ter several more minutes of this young lady divulging information to me I left the conversation and told her I would keep her friend in my prayers.  Needless to say it really spooked me and made me think about the fact that we all slip up sometimes and think we can trust people with our bodies and our lives.  I thought to myself, "what if that name had of been different", "how would I react"???  So many questions and answers that I never want to have to come up with.  I ignore HIV/AIDS awareness week or month every year, it's a taboo topic that non of us really want to ackowledge fully.  Granted I've been tested and knowing is beautiful, but ladies, fellas got to be more careful I know I sound like an after school special, but rap it up everytime!  Don't be a statistic! 

Relationship Rant SMH...it may get erased soon so enjoy lol!

Another quality I NEED that I some how neglected to mention is the need for spiritual compatibility in a relationship, if we are not grounded in the LORD we have no foundation to build from!!!!

Thoughts.....

Unconditional

It's crazy how now I understand what he meant by unconditional love, God's love.  He was preparing me for the day when I would be so fed up that the only thing that would stop me from blasting off and being spiteful and angry would be unconditional love.  Love with out condition.  Even though I really want to be on this blog and talk about how wrong he did me and how much money, time and work on his behalf  that I can't get back....I can't get it back.  Even though my heart was heavy with disappointment in the words of so many other people in my life and in his "when people show you who they are believe them".  No one can hide who they are all the time, eventually  people either find it in their hearts to be sincerely good, good to you or once they've gotten all they can from you, they move on to the next.  The reason I'm not angrily ranting or calling names is because I've been blessed to have someone come into my life that doesn't really know who they are, but through them being in my life taught me alot about myself, and for that I thank him.  I was headed down a road of confusion and I was brought back to God, I was in need of self discovery and I found some books that helped me ask some important questions about my life.  I never knew I had the capacity to allow someone into my life like I did him and now I know I can.  I refuse to believe that a man can't appreciate me revising a business plan , giving him sound advice, flying to see him whenever I can, introducing him to my boss and closest friends, buy him things, cook, help find ways to grow his business, stand up for him when I know he's wrong.  It's just that he has to be willing to do the same in return, I'm waiting on so many people to say I told you so and I'll take that, but above all if you never learn then what's the purpose?  There is a lesson to be learned and I def can say I walked away a stronger person and I know I have the capacity to give all this and more to someone very deserving some day.  I want all business owners to do better in general, if you have people grinding with you day after day behind the scenes and in front of the scenes make sure you appreciate them, those are the people that will get you to where you need to go those people come first. 
In conclusion over the past week I've found out a lot of things that if I didn't know how to handle the right way would have kept me down, complaining being ungrateful, but all day everyday all I've been able to do is smile.  I have been around some great people and I know I have young women that look up to me and moping around about a guy is not the example I want to set.  People always say God puts you through trials to prepare you for your blessings and as soon as I understood that God didn't want him for me right now that's when I was able to receive my blessings in abundance! I wish you nothing but the best and I'm praying for you, thanks for everything babes and I mean that from the bottom of my heart **kisses**! God Bless

In Closing will neva 4get ya!

Jump Rope feat. Tennille - The Cool Kids and Don Cannon

Men and Marriage: It's not that complicated!

FWD to me from one of my Sorors thought I'd share!

What do you think?

Men and Marriage.... Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That Complicated (from a man's point of view...hmmmm!)

This makes for interesting conversation...

Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fianceé said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship. But I am here to tell you - DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED

The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine
tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about
that she said 'Man, a girlfriend isn't anything - girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game.' I thought
about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion:

IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.

He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either.The only reason that a man will get married after that
long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what
he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those 'long term' relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like 'Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job' or 'he's waiting to finish school' or 'he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house.'

DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED
Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fianceé by his side?
So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or
the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your 'ex' that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your 'boyfriend.' And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment.

Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come
up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but...

DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

Why Women Cheat...

So first of all let me say that I have technically only had one boyfriend and currently am dating someone and I have NEVER ever cheated! 

LOL with that out of the way let's get on with the show...
We all know what the "honeymoon phase" is, it the un-natural high you get when just getting to know someone that you could potentially see yourself being with.  You know the hours upon hours of phone conversation, the uncontrollable smiling that comes whenever you talk about this new person in your life.  You get the best of each other because we are always taught to put our best foot forward.  Within those first couple of months with a new potential mate we make some decisions; we decide if we want to tell other people abt it, if we want to cut off other people that we've been dealing with there is a transition that has to happen and the first 3 months of dating determines that transition.  The crazy part is when the challenges begin to come.  That's when different situations arise that make us snap back to reality and ask questions that we negelcted to ask during the honey moon stage, and trust me eventually that phase will end.  Once it does that is when we decide whether we want to continue getting to know each other or that maybe we should just be friends.   Assuming we continue on with the relationship and the fact that the honeymoon phase is over can be alot for a new potential couple.  So this brings me to cheating for women, I don't cheat or do anything to my potential BF that I dnt want done to me and cheating is one of those things.  Cheating means not playing fare and not following unspoken rules and one of the main reasons I see women cheat is because the man they are with stopped doing the things that they did during the honeymoon phase that made them like the person in the first place.  He goes from talking to you on the phone every chance he gets to being busier than usual and havong to pencil you into the schedule, the extreme attention to detail during sex changes, the need to want to please you seemingly goes away, the "I'm thinking of you texts go away, you start to feel more like an option and not a priority.  Let me be clear insecurity is a serious problem and can elevate and dramatize the list I just ran off and ruin any relationship and these things are not true for every woman.  But when your man seems to stop giving you the attention you feel like you need and deserve....some women go else where to fill the void.  Now some women will keep the number one on the roster just to see if he will change, but begins to fill her roster with men (a man)  who will play the position he won't play.  If the sex is gone she has the jump off guy, if he's busy and can't talk on the phone she has a listener ready for the point guard to get caught slippin, he will without doubt tell her everything she wants to hear about why her man isn't worthy, we also have the man that will wine and dine waiting for the PG to fuck up, but isn't necessarily smashing.  Fellas what I'm saying is if you have a woman that cooks, cleans, supports you, helps you grind, loves you for who you are,does everything in her power to make you happy keep an open line of communication at all times and make sure she knows w/o a shadow of a doubt that you are just as down for her as she is for you, because as soon as she begins to feel unappreciated she will fill in the holes elsewhere and you won't suspect a thing because you have forgotten how much she does for you and means to you.  With me like I said I won't cheat because it's just not in me and I have more respect for myself and the person I'm with for that.  Treat your girl right or someone else will pick up your slack.  Once you decide to be in a relationship it's a full-time job all the way around!  And Lord knows if he comes in and does everything better than you then you def have something to worry about.  Men do this one thing for me call your girl right now or text her and tell her how much she means to you especially if you've been slacking lately you may just keep her from dropping you!  I cut down my roster a while ago and would rather break it off than cheat but I'm not everybody else!  Just my thoughts!