Karma

I can honestly say that I am my toughest critic. Yesterday and I won't go into details something very minor happened in regards to my current boyfriend, but it made me sit and reflect on some bad decisions I made in my past with my previous relationship. Flat out I used to be very messy when it came to him, he was my first everything and my ego was too big to deal with the thought of him liking anyone more than "his first love". From the time I was in the 10th grade and he first cheated on me when I was 16 to the age of 23 was nothing but me being messy (not consistently messy, cause I didn't always know when he was dating someone, but who I had knowledge of lol) and trying to prove he still liked me/was in love with me. There is not one girlfriend he has ever had and not cheated on them with me (unless they came after December 2008). I remember countless arguments, phone conversations, me almost getting jumped and so on and so on. Now not to say he always had a girl but I was never the only one even when I thought I was. It got so bad that even when me and him would get back together I couldn't even go anywhere by myself. 1 incident stands out in my mind eventhough I have 10 years worth of stories.

He had a girl named T and and she called me one night when I was out with my friends and she was his girlfriend. So she pretty much called and told me to stay away from my ex. Now up to this point I was hurt because I knew he really liked her and I had actually failed at all my advances, and he was starting to break down because I stopped calling him and he started back calling me. So I let her know that what him and I had wasn't abt her. That when we spoke she wasn't a topic and that it was bigger than her and he should stop calling me and get her man in check. I could hear in her voice that she knew if I didn't leave him alone it would damage their relationship, but at the time my feelings were more important than hers. Long story short he eventually started cheating on her with me again and they ended up breaking up, all because I wasn't woman enough to let him go. It's so funny cause her and I are actually cool now and can joke abt alot of things that happened. You know what's really funny after all the conversations with females and at the end we say "yeah girl you can have him...he ain't shit, we both would still deal with him.

The bottom line is it took me all of my HS years and the majority of my college years to realize the extra baggage and drama I indirectly or directly added to other womens lives all because I didn't want to feel rejection or let go! Was this all my fault...no...could I have avoided the drama, yes! Women don't like to be told no, but I had a human moment today and thought I would share. I say that to say this I am currently in a relationship with someone that I deeply care abt and I had to leave all this baggage of being cheated on and always being second place and having someone tell me they love me, but do things to hurt me and LET IT GO. And finally I let go and let God handle it and allow myself to be vulnerable all over again to someone new and he's doing a pretty good job. So to all the scorned exes who have a hard time letting go and let your ex creep back in and out of your life while has a girl...think about whose really losing in the end. I was tired of losing.

I have to set up me and T's last interaction:
I went to my exes apt near they school him and T went to and at this time the were no longer together. From his place I went to a b-day party that was kind of in the middle of nowhere alone! I knew people there, but not enough to have my back like that. T and her girl were there and my car was stuck so basically they were talking abt fighting me in my face, but I just acted like I didn't hear them and stayed on my phone because I was def in a losing situation at that point! LOL didn't feel like getting jumped with NO ONE to help me lol....hence our last interaction even to this day!

For happy ending or reflection sake here is the convo me and the girl from my story had after 3 years via facebook Enjoy:

T:
hey, I've been plagued with this all week...clearly the last time we communicated were under circumstances that weren't very fitting of either of us, still the fact remains that we were introduced on unsatisfactory terms. Nonetheless, I held no grudge against u, even now, which is why I accepted your friend request, but i must ask, why or what possesed u to request me?

And please don't take this as me being anything more or less than utterly curious. Understand I have no quarrel with u, no dislike,malicious intent or anything else of the sort, in fact I've viewed your profile, and i'm quite impressed and I wish u nothing but the best...just wanted to know is all...

~T.Church~


ME:
Yeah as I recall the last time we were in the same room I almost got jumped! LOL but for real I'm past all that, I think we just lacked a basic respect for one another and quite frankly we both may have had justified reasons. But I saw a comment you made on a picture I was in with Cake like months ago and came across it again recently. I thought to myself hey I wonder what Peaches is up to. Nothing more nothing less, I'm at a different place in life and take everything that has happened between us as a lesson learned and part of the past.

It was a thought that crossed my mind and I sent the request. I feel the same way I had no malicious intent in sending the request. Every situation and conversation is in the past as far as I'm concerned. Hope all is well with you and I wish you nothing but success and prosperity in all of your current and future endeavors!

~Brandy

T:
LOL...I'm soooo embarrassed! Haha...yeah, I agree with u 100%. It's funny how time and maturity changes alot of things. You are totally right, it is definitely a lesson learned and I'm glad it's part of the past. And we definitely were justified in our reasons, but how many times do the women fault each other, and not the man in the middle? FOOLISH! lol...I'm soooo glad to be in a different place and time in my life and on my grind! WHEEWW! Still though, once I had time to reflect, I wanted to formally extend my apology even with regards to it being a part of the past, but I didn't know if you'd believe the sincerity of it with it being in an email, however, I must say that what you did spoke volumes...Yet and still, I want to apologize for my actions and the disrespect I showed towards you...It's funny though, I was goin' through cakes pics, and I was like dang...small world...and i didn't know the two of u were as close as u appear to be...and that made me feel even more like, man, I hate how things went down...I do believe you are a good person, and I wish we could have met under better circumstances. However, when the time is right I'm sure we'll see each other again...we have too many "friends" in common not too! ;-)

Anywhooo I also wish you nothing but success and prosperity in your current and future endeavours as well, and I thank you for your wishes on me!

~Peach~

Me:
Yeah my mom is from Muskegon Heights...I think my Uncle Stevie is cool with your family...my mom even went to school with your mom LOL, and yeah me and Cake are really tight. And yeah Trey is cool as hell he know I got a mini crush so he was puttin extras on the pics....but girl I can smell trouble and I'm pretty sure it's his middle name. But I'm glad we got this out in the open and that picture comment was HILARIOUS!

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