FWD to me from one of my Sorors thought I'd share!
What do you think?
Men and Marriage.... Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That Complicated (from a man's point of view...hmmmm!)
This makes for interesting conversation...
Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fianceé said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship. But I am here to tell you - DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED
The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine
tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about
that she said 'Man, a girlfriend isn't anything - girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game.' I thought
about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion:
IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.
He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either.The only reason that a man will get married after that
long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what
he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those 'long term' relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like 'Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job' or 'he's waiting to finish school' or 'he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house.'
DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED
Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fianceé by his side?
So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or
the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your 'ex' that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your 'boyfriend.' And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment.
Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come
up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but...
DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Why Women Cheat...
So first of all let me say that I have technically only had one boyfriend and currently am dating someone and I have NEVER ever cheated!
LOL with that out of the way let's get on with the show...
We all know what the "honeymoon phase" is, it the un-natural high you get when just getting to know someone that you could potentially see yourself being with. You know the hours upon hours of phone conversation, the uncontrollable smiling that comes whenever you talk about this new person in your life. You get the best of each other because we are always taught to put our best foot forward. Within those first couple of months with a new potential mate we make some decisions; we decide if we want to tell other people abt it, if we want to cut off other people that we've been dealing with there is a transition that has to happen and the first 3 months of dating determines that transition. The crazy part is when the challenges begin to come. That's when different situations arise that make us snap back to reality and ask questions that we negelcted to ask during the honey moon stage, and trust me eventually that phase will end. Once it does that is when we decide whether we want to continue getting to know each other or that maybe we should just be friends. Assuming we continue on with the relationship and the fact that the honeymoon phase is over can be alot for a new potential couple. So this brings me to cheating for women, I don't cheat or do anything to my potential BF that I dnt want done to me and cheating is one of those things. Cheating means not playing fare and not following unspoken rules and one of the main reasons I see women cheat is because the man they are with stopped doing the things that they did during the honeymoon phase that made them like the person in the first place. He goes from talking to you on the phone every chance he gets to being busier than usual and havong to pencil you into the schedule, the extreme attention to detail during sex changes, the need to want to please you seemingly goes away, the "I'm thinking of you texts go away, you start to feel more like an option and not a priority. Let me be clear insecurity is a serious problem and can elevate and dramatize the list I just ran off and ruin any relationship and these things are not true for every woman. But when your man seems to stop giving you the attention you feel like you need and deserve....some women go else where to fill the void. Now some women will keep the number one on the roster just to see if he will change, but begins to fill her roster with men (a man) who will play the position he won't play. If the sex is gone she has the jump off guy, if he's busy and can't talk on the phone she has a listener ready for the point guard to get caught slippin, he will without doubt tell her everything she wants to hear about why her man isn't worthy, we also have the man that will wine and dine waiting for the PG to fuck up, but isn't necessarily smashing. Fellas what I'm saying is if you have a woman that cooks, cleans, supports you, helps you grind, loves you for who you are,does everything in her power to make you happy keep an open line of communication at all times and make sure she knows w/o a shadow of a doubt that you are just as down for her as she is for you, because as soon as she begins to feel unappreciated she will fill in the holes elsewhere and you won't suspect a thing because you have forgotten how much she does for you and means to you. With me like I said I won't cheat because it's just not in me and I have more respect for myself and the person I'm with for that. Treat your girl right or someone else will pick up your slack. Once you decide to be in a relationship it's a full-time job all the way around! And Lord knows if he comes in and does everything better than you then you def have something to worry about. Men do this one thing for me call your girl right now or text her and tell her how much she means to you especially if you've been slacking lately you may just keep her from dropping you! I cut down my roster a while ago and would rather break it off than cheat but I'm not everybody else! Just my thoughts!
LOL with that out of the way let's get on with the show...
We all know what the "honeymoon phase" is, it the un-natural high you get when just getting to know someone that you could potentially see yourself being with. You know the hours upon hours of phone conversation, the uncontrollable smiling that comes whenever you talk about this new person in your life. You get the best of each other because we are always taught to put our best foot forward. Within those first couple of months with a new potential mate we make some decisions; we decide if we want to tell other people abt it, if we want to cut off other people that we've been dealing with there is a transition that has to happen and the first 3 months of dating determines that transition. The crazy part is when the challenges begin to come. That's when different situations arise that make us snap back to reality and ask questions that we negelcted to ask during the honey moon stage, and trust me eventually that phase will end. Once it does that is when we decide whether we want to continue getting to know each other or that maybe we should just be friends. Assuming we continue on with the relationship and the fact that the honeymoon phase is over can be alot for a new potential couple. So this brings me to cheating for women, I don't cheat or do anything to my potential BF that I dnt want done to me and cheating is one of those things. Cheating means not playing fare and not following unspoken rules and one of the main reasons I see women cheat is because the man they are with stopped doing the things that they did during the honeymoon phase that made them like the person in the first place. He goes from talking to you on the phone every chance he gets to being busier than usual and havong to pencil you into the schedule, the extreme attention to detail during sex changes, the need to want to please you seemingly goes away, the "I'm thinking of you texts go away, you start to feel more like an option and not a priority. Let me be clear insecurity is a serious problem and can elevate and dramatize the list I just ran off and ruin any relationship and these things are not true for every woman. But when your man seems to stop giving you the attention you feel like you need and deserve....some women go else where to fill the void. Now some women will keep the number one on the roster just to see if he will change, but begins to fill her roster with men (a man) who will play the position he won't play. If the sex is gone she has the jump off guy, if he's busy and can't talk on the phone she has a listener ready for the point guard to get caught slippin, he will without doubt tell her everything she wants to hear about why her man isn't worthy, we also have the man that will wine and dine waiting for the PG to fuck up, but isn't necessarily smashing. Fellas what I'm saying is if you have a woman that cooks, cleans, supports you, helps you grind, loves you for who you are,does everything in her power to make you happy keep an open line of communication at all times and make sure she knows w/o a shadow of a doubt that you are just as down for her as she is for you, because as soon as she begins to feel unappreciated she will fill in the holes elsewhere and you won't suspect a thing because you have forgotten how much she does for you and means to you. With me like I said I won't cheat because it's just not in me and I have more respect for myself and the person I'm with for that. Treat your girl right or someone else will pick up your slack. Once you decide to be in a relationship it's a full-time job all the way around! And Lord knows if he comes in and does everything better than you then you def have something to worry about. Men do this one thing for me call your girl right now or text her and tell her how much she means to you especially if you've been slacking lately you may just keep her from dropping you! I cut down my roster a while ago and would rather break it off than cheat but I'm not everybody else! Just my thoughts!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Be open to everything but attached to nothing!
I have alot on my mind right now and when my thoughts are in overdrive it always helps to relieve the pressure by blogging. As the thoughts of success, making the right decisions, love, life and my future plague me I continue to realize that when we focus too much on the desired outcome we block the progress of getting to what we want in the first place. Everything I have ever asked for God has given it to me, but not before I stepped out of the way and allowed him to take care of the details. I relation to the previous post about letting go those are some things that have been difficult for me. Sometime we know there are some things we need to let go, but we are so consumed with not wanted to lose something that we hold on to cancers. Cancers in the form of bad relationships with friends, significant others, cancers of addictions, cancers of self doubt, cancers of fear of failure. Anything you allow to sit inside you and eat away at your judgment when it comes to doing the right thing is a cancer. So with that said in the book by Dr. Wayne Dyer entitled 10 Secrets for Success and inner Peace of which I reference quite often I had to go back to secret #1 in light of some struggles I am having in the arena of "letting go". So here we go...
Secret #1 Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing...
That's deep I am down with having an open mind, but how can we be attached to nothing???
"If you're attached to being right or absolutely need something in order to be successful, you'll live a life striving yet never arriving."
"Never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to anything, any place or particularly any person"
Those 2 quotes from this chapter sum up so much when it comes to relationships. Many times we get so caught up in how good or how happy another person makes us feel we forget that it's our personal duty to make sure we are happy within ourselves. This is why when you are in a relationship or building a relationship with someone it is vitally important to know who you are as in independent human being, or else you will get lost in the other persons vision of what they want you to be or who you think they want you to be. Attachments aren't good because they put us in a state of self bondage that can be difficult to get out of because I will admit I don't like to lose, so some attachments take longer to let go of and turn into opportunity costs.
I have a perfect example of defining happiness in a relationship, there was a past relationship I was in and I loaned my partner something and happened to vent to a married woman I knew. She was young had a child and of course said I needed to get what was mine and that he was using me. She then said that the only way her husband could provide was financially. So I sat there and thought about it, from what I told her I could see why she may have assumed I was being used. But what I told her was that I'm sure someday the financial aspect would come into play, but that right now he provided everything I needed except for the financial portion. That he provided me with peace when he helped guide my faith back to God, that he provided me as a friend by telling me the truth when no one else would, though he was busy he never let a day go by without letting me know he was thinking about me, that even on my bad days he saw good in me, he opens doors, he respects me and the physical bond is there too, if all he could do was give me money he'd be like the other 20 men telling me what they can do for me financially and materialistically. And that when I realized that I enjoyed making someone other than myself happy. But the problem with that was none of those things defined my role in that relationship they were the things I liked so much that letting it go for any reason is a thought I couldn't live without. But what happens if someone that does all those things and just stops one day? When a person stops being what they were to you. Will you let go of your attachments and walk away realizing that people and circumstances change and they were only in your life for a season, or do you hold on because you choose not to let go and stay attached to a situation that started one way, but seems to be ending another?
Secret #1 Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing...
That's deep I am down with having an open mind, but how can we be attached to nothing???
"If you're attached to being right or absolutely need something in order to be successful, you'll live a life striving yet never arriving."
"Never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to anything, any place or particularly any person"
Those 2 quotes from this chapter sum up so much when it comes to relationships. Many times we get so caught up in how good or how happy another person makes us feel we forget that it's our personal duty to make sure we are happy within ourselves. This is why when you are in a relationship or building a relationship with someone it is vitally important to know who you are as in independent human being, or else you will get lost in the other persons vision of what they want you to be or who you think they want you to be. Attachments aren't good because they put us in a state of self bondage that can be difficult to get out of because I will admit I don't like to lose, so some attachments take longer to let go of and turn into opportunity costs.
I have a perfect example of defining happiness in a relationship, there was a past relationship I was in and I loaned my partner something and happened to vent to a married woman I knew. She was young had a child and of course said I needed to get what was mine and that he was using me. She then said that the only way her husband could provide was financially. So I sat there and thought about it, from what I told her I could see why she may have assumed I was being used. But what I told her was that I'm sure someday the financial aspect would come into play, but that right now he provided everything I needed except for the financial portion. That he provided me with peace when he helped guide my faith back to God, that he provided me as a friend by telling me the truth when no one else would, though he was busy he never let a day go by without letting me know he was thinking about me, that even on my bad days he saw good in me, he opens doors, he respects me and the physical bond is there too, if all he could do was give me money he'd be like the other 20 men telling me what they can do for me financially and materialistically. And that when I realized that I enjoyed making someone other than myself happy. But the problem with that was none of those things defined my role in that relationship they were the things I liked so much that letting it go for any reason is a thought I couldn't live without. But what happens if someone that does all those things and just stops one day? When a person stops being what they were to you. Will you let go of your attachments and walk away realizing that people and circumstances change and they were only in your life for a season, or do you hold on because you choose not to let go and stay attached to a situation that started one way, but seems to be ending another?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Letting Go
One of My sorors FWD this to me the other day. It's funny how some message come just in time. I didn't get this email last week or last month I got it when I needed it. No I'm not in the process of letting go of anyone, but I am letting go of baggage...enjoy!
This is an awesome message
By T.. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to.......
LET IT GO !!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.... ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you! u have a bad attitude.... ...
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. .....
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to.......
LET IT GO!!!
'The Battle is the Lord's!'
During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity...
(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
All you have to do is the following:
You simply say 'The Lords Prayer' for the person that sent you this message:
The Lords Prayer
Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
Amen.
Stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.
Pass this on if you feel inclined to!
If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions!
Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father'
'Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.
He Keeps me going day and night.. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can do everything, Christ is my strength.' This is a simple test.
If you love God and you are not ashamed of all the great things that He has done for you, send this to everyone you know.
God loves you and watches over you everyday
This is an awesome message
By T.. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to.......
LET IT GO !!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.... ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you! u have a bad attitude.... ...
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. .....
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to.......
LET IT GO!!!
'The Battle is the Lord's!'
During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity...
(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
All you have to do is the following:
You simply say 'The Lords Prayer' for the person that sent you this message:
The Lords Prayer
Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
Amen.
Stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.
Pass this on if you feel inclined to!
If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions!
Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father'
'Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.
He Keeps me going day and night.. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can do everything, Christ is my strength.' This is a simple test.
If you love God and you are not ashamed of all the great things that He has done for you, send this to everyone you know.
God loves you and watches over you everyday
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