The Visitation Rule...

I’ve been gone for a minute, but now I’m slowly coming back to share my inspiration or to let people know they aren’t alone or to give another view point that you may not have considered before.  First and foremost I wanted to state that fact that the reason I haven’t really blogged to much  is because the place that my inspiration has been derived from as of late is from a very personal place and can come across as “played out”, but nevertheless I’ve realized that I can’t control where my motivation comes from it just comes lol.  So with that being said let’s get into this!

I’m working on a series in regards to Male and Female relationships and the dynamics of those interactions, the first one is called….

The Visitation Rule:

What is this rule about you may ask, but I’m sure many of you can guess by the title where I’m about to go with this and to paint the picture perfectly clear I’m going to be 100% real and divulge some very personal information.  In 2005 at the age of 21 there was a guy that I really liked.  He had tried to sleep with me for about 5 months leading up to when I finally took a trip to see him.  All the times he made his advances I denied him even though I physically was attracted to him.  So after several conversations and him telling me that sex wasn’t really that important he flew me to see him and lo and behold…we had sex.  Now in my mind even though I was physically attracted to him in the back of my mind I felt a sense of obligation to sleep with him, the outcome of the situation was he sent my ass home after treating me for 3 days and didn’t speak to me unless there was an opportunity for us to sleep together or by some chance ran into each other.  We’re still cool and speak to this day, but I learned a lot from that one situation.  Fast forward to 25 year old Brandy who lives in Las Vegas.  As you may well know Las Vegas is a transient city and the majority of men that I come across are strictly looking for a good time considering the fact that I live here, the fast life of participating in random flings is far from appealing to me.  Yet and still I have several men that I know from out of town who insist on asking me the following questions, “so when are you going to show me around Vegas”, “when can I come visit”, “so when are you going to invite me to Vegas”.  As much as I would like to be a tour guide for male friends or men seeking my attention it takes entirely too much energy and my response to those comments depending on who it is: “Don’t plan any trips out to Vegas just to see me”.  I feel like there is really only one occasion under which a man should come to Vegas and know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ll actually show you around and we do the caked up thing….and that’s if we are dating.  To put this into perspective, the only man to come to Vegas and get 95% of my attention was my ex for obvious reasons.  The reality of the situation is this, and all men are not like this, but in his mind I’m led to believe from personal/past experience that no man is flying across the country to “just chill”!  This is why I avoid male company, the only time I truly feel okay with hanging out with a guy that’s in town is if they are already coming into town and the sole purpose of their trip is not to see me, but to come to Vegas.  The reality of this is that a lot of people actually feel this way and lord knows I’m not trying to invite someone to visit me/stay with me and they end up pissed off because they thought I was joking about not wanting to have sex.  So the visitation rule is this, unless we’re working on a relationship, in a relationship, or you’re already in town for a reason unrelated to me….there is no visitation!  What do you think?

Good Reading!!! Watch and Buy these books!

He Has AIDS

So last night as I sat on my couch and watched a movie around 12am I received a call.  I don't get too many anonymous calls, but my interest was peaked as to who could possibly be calling me this late and didn't want me to know who they were.  After three or four rings I answered the phone and there was a woman on the other end, she didn't say hello or anything, she got straight to business.  The first thing she asked was "Do you know _______?".  So my first thought was okay this is a friend of mines girl who is going thru his phone and calling females to see if he 's creeping.  Slightly offended and caught off guard I quickly told her that I knew him, but that was the extent of it and that she had reached me in error.  She then told me the shocking news and she stated the following, "Two weeks ago we found out that my best friend contracted AIDS from him and he gave us his phone to contact people".  As I sat there in shock and disbelief at what I was hearing she began to mention that her friend had been in a mental instituation and was taking this hard as I would expect anyone who has been given what's thought of as a death sentence at the hands of someone they trusted would be.  Af ter several more minutes of this young lady divulging information to me I left the conversation and told her I would keep her friend in my prayers.  Needless to say it really spooked me and made me think about the fact that we all slip up sometimes and think we can trust people with our bodies and our lives.  I thought to myself, "what if that name had of been different", "how would I react"???  So many questions and answers that I never want to have to come up with.  I ignore HIV/AIDS awareness week or month every year, it's a taboo topic that non of us really want to ackowledge fully.  Granted I've been tested and knowing is beautiful, but ladies, fellas got to be more careful I know I sound like an after school special, but rap it up everytime!  Don't be a statistic! 

Relationship Rant SMH...it may get erased soon so enjoy lol!

Another quality I NEED that I some how neglected to mention is the need for spiritual compatibility in a relationship, if we are not grounded in the LORD we have no foundation to build from!!!!

Thoughts.....

Unconditional

It's crazy how now I understand what he meant by unconditional love, God's love.  He was preparing me for the day when I would be so fed up that the only thing that would stop me from blasting off and being spiteful and angry would be unconditional love.  Love with out condition.  Even though I really want to be on this blog and talk about how wrong he did me and how much money, time and work on his behalf  that I can't get back....I can't get it back.  Even though my heart was heavy with disappointment in the words of so many other people in my life and in his "when people show you who they are believe them".  No one can hide who they are all the time, eventually  people either find it in their hearts to be sincerely good, good to you or once they've gotten all they can from you, they move on to the next.  The reason I'm not angrily ranting or calling names is because I've been blessed to have someone come into my life that doesn't really know who they are, but through them being in my life taught me alot about myself, and for that I thank him.  I was headed down a road of confusion and I was brought back to God, I was in need of self discovery and I found some books that helped me ask some important questions about my life.  I never knew I had the capacity to allow someone into my life like I did him and now I know I can.  I refuse to believe that a man can't appreciate me revising a business plan , giving him sound advice, flying to see him whenever I can, introducing him to my boss and closest friends, buy him things, cook, help find ways to grow his business, stand up for him when I know he's wrong.  It's just that he has to be willing to do the same in return, I'm waiting on so many people to say I told you so and I'll take that, but above all if you never learn then what's the purpose?  There is a lesson to be learned and I def can say I walked away a stronger person and I know I have the capacity to give all this and more to someone very deserving some day.  I want all business owners to do better in general, if you have people grinding with you day after day behind the scenes and in front of the scenes make sure you appreciate them, those are the people that will get you to where you need to go those people come first. 
In conclusion over the past week I've found out a lot of things that if I didn't know how to handle the right way would have kept me down, complaining being ungrateful, but all day everyday all I've been able to do is smile.  I have been around some great people and I know I have young women that look up to me and moping around about a guy is not the example I want to set.  People always say God puts you through trials to prepare you for your blessings and as soon as I understood that God didn't want him for me right now that's when I was able to receive my blessings in abundance! I wish you nothing but the best and I'm praying for you, thanks for everything babes and I mean that from the bottom of my heart **kisses**! God Bless

In Closing will neva 4get ya!

Jump Rope feat. Tennille - The Cool Kids and Don Cannon

Men and Marriage: It's not that complicated!

FWD to me from one of my Sorors thought I'd share!

What do you think?

Men and Marriage.... Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That Complicated (from a man's point of view...hmmmm!)

This makes for interesting conversation...

Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fianceé said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship. But I am here to tell you - DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED

The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine
tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about
that she said 'Man, a girlfriend isn't anything - girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game.' I thought
about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion:

IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.

He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either.The only reason that a man will get married after that
long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what
he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those 'long term' relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like 'Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job' or 'he's waiting to finish school' or 'he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house.'

DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED
Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fianceé by his side?
So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or
the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your 'ex' that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your 'boyfriend.' And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment.

Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come
up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but...

DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

Why Women Cheat...

So first of all let me say that I have technically only had one boyfriend and currently am dating someone and I have NEVER ever cheated! 

LOL with that out of the way let's get on with the show...
We all know what the "honeymoon phase" is, it the un-natural high you get when just getting to know someone that you could potentially see yourself being with.  You know the hours upon hours of phone conversation, the uncontrollable smiling that comes whenever you talk about this new person in your life.  You get the best of each other because we are always taught to put our best foot forward.  Within those first couple of months with a new potential mate we make some decisions; we decide if we want to tell other people abt it, if we want to cut off other people that we've been dealing with there is a transition that has to happen and the first 3 months of dating determines that transition.  The crazy part is when the challenges begin to come.  That's when different situations arise that make us snap back to reality and ask questions that we negelcted to ask during the honey moon stage, and trust me eventually that phase will end.  Once it does that is when we decide whether we want to continue getting to know each other or that maybe we should just be friends.   Assuming we continue on with the relationship and the fact that the honeymoon phase is over can be alot for a new potential couple.  So this brings me to cheating for women, I don't cheat or do anything to my potential BF that I dnt want done to me and cheating is one of those things.  Cheating means not playing fare and not following unspoken rules and one of the main reasons I see women cheat is because the man they are with stopped doing the things that they did during the honeymoon phase that made them like the person in the first place.  He goes from talking to you on the phone every chance he gets to being busier than usual and havong to pencil you into the schedule, the extreme attention to detail during sex changes, the need to want to please you seemingly goes away, the "I'm thinking of you texts go away, you start to feel more like an option and not a priority.  Let me be clear insecurity is a serious problem and can elevate and dramatize the list I just ran off and ruin any relationship and these things are not true for every woman.  But when your man seems to stop giving you the attention you feel like you need and deserve....some women go else where to fill the void.  Now some women will keep the number one on the roster just to see if he will change, but begins to fill her roster with men (a man)  who will play the position he won't play.  If the sex is gone she has the jump off guy, if he's busy and can't talk on the phone she has a listener ready for the point guard to get caught slippin, he will without doubt tell her everything she wants to hear about why her man isn't worthy, we also have the man that will wine and dine waiting for the PG to fuck up, but isn't necessarily smashing.  Fellas what I'm saying is if you have a woman that cooks, cleans, supports you, helps you grind, loves you for who you are,does everything in her power to make you happy keep an open line of communication at all times and make sure she knows w/o a shadow of a doubt that you are just as down for her as she is for you, because as soon as she begins to feel unappreciated she will fill in the holes elsewhere and you won't suspect a thing because you have forgotten how much she does for you and means to you.  With me like I said I won't cheat because it's just not in me and I have more respect for myself and the person I'm with for that.  Treat your girl right or someone else will pick up your slack.  Once you decide to be in a relationship it's a full-time job all the way around!  And Lord knows if he comes in and does everything better than you then you def have something to worry about.  Men do this one thing for me call your girl right now or text her and tell her how much she means to you especially if you've been slacking lately you may just keep her from dropping you!  I cut down my roster a while ago and would rather break it off than cheat but I'm not everybody else!  Just my thoughts!

Be open to everything but attached to nothing!

I have alot on my mind right now and when my thoughts are in overdrive it always helps to relieve the pressure by blogging. As the thoughts of success, making the right decisions, love, life and my future plague me I continue to realize that when we focus too much on the desired outcome we block the progress of getting to what we want in the first place. Everything I have ever asked for God has given it to me, but not before I stepped out of the way and allowed him to take care of the details. I relation to the previous post about letting go those are some things that have been difficult for me. Sometime we know there are some things we need to let go, but we are so consumed with not wanted to lose something that we hold on to cancers. Cancers in the form of bad relationships with friends, significant others, cancers of addictions, cancers of self doubt, cancers of fear of failure. Anything you allow to sit inside you and eat away at your judgment when it comes to doing the right thing is a cancer. So with that said in the book by Dr. Wayne Dyer entitled 10 Secrets for Success and inner Peace of which I reference quite often I had to go back to secret #1 in light of some struggles I am having in the arena of "letting go". So here we go...

Secret #1 Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing...
That's deep I am down with having an open mind, but how can we be attached to nothing???
"If you're attached to being right or absolutely need something in order to be successful, you'll live a life striving yet never arriving."
"Never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to anything, any place or particularly any person"

Those 2 quotes from this chapter sum up so much when it comes to relationships. Many times we get so caught up in how good or how happy another person makes us feel we forget that it's our personal duty to make sure we are happy within ourselves. This is why when you are in a relationship or building a relationship with someone it is vitally important to know who you are as in independent human being, or else you will get lost in the other persons vision of what they want you to be or who you think they want you to be. Attachments aren't good because they put us in a state of self bondage that can be difficult to get out of because I will admit I don't like to lose, so some attachments take longer to let go of and turn into opportunity costs.

I have a perfect example of defining happiness in a relationship, there was a past relationship I was in and I loaned my partner something and happened to vent to a married woman I knew. She was young had a child and of course said I needed to get what was mine and that he was using me. She then said that the only way her husband could provide was financially. So I sat there and thought about it, from what I told her I could see why she may have assumed I was being used. But what I told her was that I'm sure someday the financial aspect would come into play, but that right now he provided everything I needed except for the financial portion. That he provided me with peace when he helped guide my faith back to God, that he provided me as a friend by telling me the truth when no one else would, though he was busy he never let a day go by without letting me know he was thinking about me, that even on my bad days he saw good in me, he opens doors, he respects me and the physical bond is there too, if all he could do was give me money he'd be like the other 20 men telling me what they can do for me financially and materialistically. And that when I realized that I enjoyed making someone other than myself happy. But the problem with that was none of those things defined my role in that relationship they were the things I liked so much that letting it go for any reason is a thought I couldn't live without. But what happens if someone that does all those things and just stops one day? When a person stops being what they were to you. Will you let go of your attachments and walk away realizing that people and circumstances change and they were only in your life for a season, or do you hold on because you choose not to let go and stay attached to a situation that started one way, but seems to be ending another?

Letting Go

One of My sorors FWD this to me the other day. It's funny how some message come just in time. I didn't get this email last week or last month I got it when I needed it. No I'm not in the process of letting go of anyone, but I am letting go of baggage...enjoy!

This is an awesome message

By T.. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to.......

LET IT GO !!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction.... ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you! u have a bad attitude.... ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. .....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to.......

LET IT GO!!!

'The Battle is the Lord's!'

During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity...

(Literally it is only ONE minute!)

All you have to do is the following:

You simply say 'The Lords Prayer' for the person that sent you this message:

The Lords Prayer

Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.

Amen.


Stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.

Pass this on if you feel inclined to!


If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions!

Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father'


'Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.

He Keeps me going day and night.. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can do everything, Christ is my strength.' This is a simple test.

If you love God and you are not ashamed of all the great things that He has done for you, send this to everyone you know.

God loves you and watches over you everyday

Karma

I can honestly say that I am my toughest critic. Yesterday and I won't go into details something very minor happened in regards to my current boyfriend, but it made me sit and reflect on some bad decisions I made in my past with my previous relationship. Flat out I used to be very messy when it came to him, he was my first everything and my ego was too big to deal with the thought of him liking anyone more than "his first love". From the time I was in the 10th grade and he first cheated on me when I was 16 to the age of 23 was nothing but me being messy (not consistently messy, cause I didn't always know when he was dating someone, but who I had knowledge of lol) and trying to prove he still liked me/was in love with me. There is not one girlfriend he has ever had and not cheated on them with me (unless they came after December 2008). I remember countless arguments, phone conversations, me almost getting jumped and so on and so on. Now not to say he always had a girl but I was never the only one even when I thought I was. It got so bad that even when me and him would get back together I couldn't even go anywhere by myself. 1 incident stands out in my mind eventhough I have 10 years worth of stories.

He had a girl named T and and she called me one night when I was out with my friends and she was his girlfriend. So she pretty much called and told me to stay away from my ex. Now up to this point I was hurt because I knew he really liked her and I had actually failed at all my advances, and he was starting to break down because I stopped calling him and he started back calling me. So I let her know that what him and I had wasn't abt her. That when we spoke she wasn't a topic and that it was bigger than her and he should stop calling me and get her man in check. I could hear in her voice that she knew if I didn't leave him alone it would damage their relationship, but at the time my feelings were more important than hers. Long story short he eventually started cheating on her with me again and they ended up breaking up, all because I wasn't woman enough to let him go. It's so funny cause her and I are actually cool now and can joke abt alot of things that happened. You know what's really funny after all the conversations with females and at the end we say "yeah girl you can have him...he ain't shit, we both would still deal with him.

The bottom line is it took me all of my HS years and the majority of my college years to realize the extra baggage and drama I indirectly or directly added to other womens lives all because I didn't want to feel rejection or let go! Was this all my fault...no...could I have avoided the drama, yes! Women don't like to be told no, but I had a human moment today and thought I would share. I say that to say this I am currently in a relationship with someone that I deeply care abt and I had to leave all this baggage of being cheated on and always being second place and having someone tell me they love me, but do things to hurt me and LET IT GO. And finally I let go and let God handle it and allow myself to be vulnerable all over again to someone new and he's doing a pretty good job. So to all the scorned exes who have a hard time letting go and let your ex creep back in and out of your life while has a girl...think about whose really losing in the end. I was tired of losing.

I have to set up me and T's last interaction:
I went to my exes apt near they school him and T went to and at this time the were no longer together. From his place I went to a b-day party that was kind of in the middle of nowhere alone! I knew people there, but not enough to have my back like that. T and her girl were there and my car was stuck so basically they were talking abt fighting me in my face, but I just acted like I didn't hear them and stayed on my phone because I was def in a losing situation at that point! LOL didn't feel like getting jumped with NO ONE to help me lol....hence our last interaction even to this day!

For happy ending or reflection sake here is the convo me and the girl from my story had after 3 years via facebook Enjoy:

T:
hey, I've been plagued with this all week...clearly the last time we communicated were under circumstances that weren't very fitting of either of us, still the fact remains that we were introduced on unsatisfactory terms. Nonetheless, I held no grudge against u, even now, which is why I accepted your friend request, but i must ask, why or what possesed u to request me?

And please don't take this as me being anything more or less than utterly curious. Understand I have no quarrel with u, no dislike,malicious intent or anything else of the sort, in fact I've viewed your profile, and i'm quite impressed and I wish u nothing but the best...just wanted to know is all...

~T.Church~


ME:
Yeah as I recall the last time we were in the same room I almost got jumped! LOL but for real I'm past all that, I think we just lacked a basic respect for one another and quite frankly we both may have had justified reasons. But I saw a comment you made on a picture I was in with Cake like months ago and came across it again recently. I thought to myself hey I wonder what Peaches is up to. Nothing more nothing less, I'm at a different place in life and take everything that has happened between us as a lesson learned and part of the past.

It was a thought that crossed my mind and I sent the request. I feel the same way I had no malicious intent in sending the request. Every situation and conversation is in the past as far as I'm concerned. Hope all is well with you and I wish you nothing but success and prosperity in all of your current and future endeavors!

~Brandy

T:
LOL...I'm soooo embarrassed! Haha...yeah, I agree with u 100%. It's funny how time and maturity changes alot of things. You are totally right, it is definitely a lesson learned and I'm glad it's part of the past. And we definitely were justified in our reasons, but how many times do the women fault each other, and not the man in the middle? FOOLISH! lol...I'm soooo glad to be in a different place and time in my life and on my grind! WHEEWW! Still though, once I had time to reflect, I wanted to formally extend my apology even with regards to it being a part of the past, but I didn't know if you'd believe the sincerity of it with it being in an email, however, I must say that what you did spoke volumes...Yet and still, I want to apologize for my actions and the disrespect I showed towards you...It's funny though, I was goin' through cakes pics, and I was like dang...small world...and i didn't know the two of u were as close as u appear to be...and that made me feel even more like, man, I hate how things went down...I do believe you are a good person, and I wish we could have met under better circumstances. However, when the time is right I'm sure we'll see each other again...we have too many "friends" in common not too! ;-)

Anywhooo I also wish you nothing but success and prosperity in your current and future endeavours as well, and I thank you for your wishes on me!

~Peach~

Me:
Yeah my mom is from Muskegon Heights...I think my Uncle Stevie is cool with your family...my mom even went to school with your mom LOL, and yeah me and Cake are really tight. And yeah Trey is cool as hell he know I got a mini crush so he was puttin extras on the pics....but girl I can smell trouble and I'm pretty sure it's his middle name. But I'm glad we got this out in the open and that picture comment was HILARIOUS!

You get the picture Please Comment!

You Can't Give What you Don't Have!!!

Okay so lately I have been trying to connect with myself and really figure out "Who is Brandy Danielle McCallum". This process has been a learning experience to say the least. It all started when I met this guy who I still date/talk to and that's when I started back reading the bible and going to church. Then I went to ATL and sat and talked to my friend Ivory and she suggested I read the book "The Secret". So all of these things started building towards building a better me. Last Thursday I went to a meeting with a friend and after that we ran into a couple of guys she knew. At first I was optimistic and stayed out of the conversation, but then one of them started asking me questions and we got into a really great discussion about people and their intentions and how we should act on instinct and what our gut tells us to do. Then he said "I want to buy you these books". So the next day we went to Borders and he bought me. "10 Secrets For Success and Inner Peace" by Dr. Wayne Dryer and "Living on Purpose" by Dan Millman. I started reading the book on Aug 7th I finished chapters 4-10 yesterday afternoon. But what made me finish it was because of the fact that even though I read "The Secret", which tells you basically that if you think positive then positive things will happen and vice versa, I still had a small cloud of negativity that kept creeping back into my life. It took for me to feel like I was losing someone very special to me to realize one very important piece of information that I didn't get until yesterday afternoon as I finished the 10 rules book. That "Secret 3: You can't give away what you don't have". So I began to think about my actions and how frustrated I get sometimes and how thoughts and emotions that I thought never existed started slowly coming back. If I don't have anger, jealousy, manipulation, doubt, greed or selfishness inside me then I can't project that on other people. I can't give off what I don't have. It's as simple as someone asking borrow $10 if you honestly don't have it you can't let the person borrow it...right? We can never allow another person to be a reason for us to "step out of ourselves or act out of character" at the end of the day what you do and say negative and positive are things that were there to begin with. With all that said...my words of wisdom for the day are guard your words and examine what's in your heart. You can't gossip, hate, be jealous or anything else negative if you free yourself of those thoughts that keep you from true happiness! Reading and learning about these things has helped me and I have a ways to go, but you have to start somewhere! "The mind can allow us infinite possibilities or infinite failure, choose one"

ROI’s and Opportunity Costs/ Heart vs. Mind

Opportunity Costs: The cost of passing up the next best choice when making a decision.

Return on Investment: A measure of a corporation's
profitability

I was thinking about this on my flight...

So as much as I try to avoid looking at personal relationships as business ventures, I keep coming back to this idea of ROI's and Opportunity cost. Now to break this down what I mean by ROI is the following. Anytime we as human beings submerge ourselves into new situations whether it be meeting new people, engaging in business and entering new relationships we subconsciously ask ourselves what the return on our investment will be, we ask ourselves how emotionally, physically, spiritually profitable is this person to me. When it comes to opportunity cost that is the idea of giving up one choice for another or evaluating what you are willing to give up in order gain something else. Lately I have found myself thinking about these things a lot. Being that I have only been in one real relationship I find that I am constantly trying to figure out my ROI in potential relationships and looking at my opportunity cost. I find myself also thinking about the following idea, quote or whatever you want to call it now taking literal quality of life out of the equation and for illustration purposes; when someone is brain dead their heart can still keep the organs and body alive but if your heart stops you die. Does that mean that it is logical to over ride what would seem to be intelligent decisions with what your heart tells you to do? Meaning you can survive for some time without brain activity yet without your hard everything goes. I know this seems crazy, but I am going through a situation that defies logic meaning that I am participating in a situation that feels right as opposed to what I logically would not let myself get involved in if I hadn't let how I feel be a factor. So what do you think in regards to logic and matters of what feels right. I still am in my opportunity cost phase with people that I deal with and in what capacity I deal with them. At what point do you cut off guys/chicks that you are dealing with to completely be open to someone else? This again my friend is where opportunity cost plays a factor! There are 2 potential outcomes depending on your answer to this question. What are you willing to give up in order to gain? You have to make a choice!

Passing Admiration VS Infatuation

Let me first say I know women in general complicate things that aren't that difficult...I for one am a realist with my expectations.... enjoy


You remember when you were in like Jr High School and you send that girl/boy a note in your class that said;" do you like me? circle yes or no?". I miss the simplicity of having a crush. It never was too complicated, you either had the feelings reciprocated or you didn't and moved on to the next cute boy/girl in your class. There was no sex nothing like that to confuse a passing admiration with infatuation.

Wikipedia defines infatuation as:
Infatuation is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. Infatuation is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of infatuation, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire (generally unattainable). One may come to the conclusion that, unlike love, infatuation is not usually mutual.

Websters defines infatuation as:

Main Entry:
2in·fat·u·ate Listen to the pronunciation of 2infatuate
Pronunciation:
\-ˌwāt, -ˌāt\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
in·fat·u·at·ed; in·fat·u·at·ing
Etymology:
Latin infatuatus, past participle of infatuare, from in- + fatuus fatuous
Date:
1533
1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment 2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
— in·fat·u·a·tion Listen to the pronunciation of infatuation \-ˌfa-chə-ˈwā-shən, -chü-ˈā-\ noun

Defined it would be believed that a passing admiration and infatuation are the same thing, but to me they are completely different. See I have made a conscious effort over the past 5 years to not be in a relationship. They take too much time and emotion and too many feelings get involved.

Passing Admiration: You are attracted to an individual you share the same views or can discuss differences and you talk every once and a while like Jay-Z said "our time together is our time together and our time apart is our time apart, so love Jay with your mind girl and not your heart." Your heart is NEVER involved at least not on my end it's not. When you are away from the person you don't think abt calling them everyday, they aren't always on your mind and when you see each other it's cool, but when your apart it's business as usual.

Infatuation: You(at least one of you) sparks an instant attraction. You talk all the time always want to know/learn more about the person. You rarely question intent and your guard is down. This is something that I avoid at ALL costs because in the end infatuation is an unhealthy mis-direction of feelings. Feelings that can be focused in more productive places like blogging; creating ideas, working out LOL. IDK bottom line being in a situation that is 80/20 sucks. So I try my best not to get caught up. And in some way, shape or for one person is not completely attainable and there are barriers in the way of: lack of mutual feelings, persons involvement with someone else, distance, work...I can go on, but won't.

Then there's love which I have no comment on right now because I'll save that blog for when I feel like I'm in love...can we celebrate on that day??? LOL

Thoughts....

Dreamworld...

So I ran into this guy I met like a year ago while I was volunteering with media at an event here in Vegas. We re-connected at the event then saw one another again at the wrap party. When he saw me he invited me over to eat for Easter dinner the food was great...great conversation. When I left this song was on the radio and for some odd reason I feel like this song will always take me back to that dinner and conversation. Beautiful song listen to the words...always dream, but make your words and actions have impact in order to create and foster positive change!

Feeling it!

So first off I was able to do a little bit of Traveling along the "I Am Music" tour and looked forward to this part at all the shows I went to! Enjoy



Man my boy G~Mack put me up on this track right here.
I actually got to listen to it in the studio with G and Rock City's manager! Good Shit! Check G~Mack out over at Global Grind http://globalgrind.com/covers/gmack/

Brand New

Sooo the homey Trey Songz has a new video and I love the song/video...even though I should have been in it or at least in the A! I always miss the fun D2 Stuff! Much love! Enjoy.

Trey Songz - Brand New

Patiently Waiting

Here is my poem recited let me know what you think...

For the Ladies!

LOL so one night not too long ago I began to look on youtube and found some pretty cool poems. I was trying to find some inspiration to write and found these poems. They embody feelings that ALL women have felt at some point and time. They are funny, real and powerful. So ladies these are for you! And no these don't all pertain to me, but nonetheless they will make you smile!

Corny Game

Can you name 20 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people. *this is a lot funnier if you actually list the names first!! No cheating!!!*

1. Dorothy Johnson
2. Keenia Davis
3. Maurice Nash
4. Justin Hoskins
5. Alexandra Burrel
6. Fallon Hudson
7. Nino Brown
8. Ron Dance
9. Ian Burke
10.Tasha Robinson
11. Ricki Brazil
12. Floyd Mayweather
13. Vivica Fox
14. Lana Howard
15. Darnell McCallum
16. Santahra Douglas
17. Jamal Crumpler
18. Steven Jackson
19. Valen
20. Keshia Hills

• How did you meet 10?
SHe caught me and my friend backstage with someone else's credentials at a comedy show

• What would you do if you had never met 6?
I wouldn't have anyone to laugh at my stories

• What would you do if 20 and 15 dated?
I would be grossed out because that's my little brother and a childhood friend!

• If you could marry either 6 or 14 who will it be?
Neither because they are both women

• Did you ever like 9?
He's a cool cat love em to death!

• Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Yes I think he got hurt really bad one time in highschool!

• Would 4 and 12 make a good couple?
Nope they are both guys

• Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?
Nope they are both females

• Describe 8:
Still haven't figured that guy out yet...he's cute and seems like he's doing his thing.

• Last time you saw 12?
At Diego Corales daughters sweet 16 party...so random

• Tell me something about 17:
He changed the way I walk LOL

• What's 7's favorite color?
IDK Green???

• What would you do if 1 just confessed they liked you?
That's my best friend we love each other, but not like that

•When was the last time you talked to number 6?
Ummm Friday


• How do you think 19 feels about you?
She would say we have the most random fun times together

• What language does 13 speak?
English

• Who is 2 going out with?
who knows

• What grade is 8 in?
N/A LOL


• What is 5's favorite music?
Everything R&B


• Would you ever date 3?
Yes

• Is 11 single?
I plead the 5th

•What's 10's last name?
Robinson


• Where does 18 live?
Las Vegas/St Louis

• What do you think about 20?
We don't always stay in touch but she will ALWAYS be my girl!


• What is the best thing about 4?
No matter what we have been through we are still cool no matter how much he pisses me off.

• What would you like to tell 16 right now?
Do you at all times!


• How did you meet 9?
Through Tasha Robinson


• What is the best and worst thing about 14?
She's always late

Chopped and Screwed: Miami Style

WARNING: NAMES HAVE BEEN SUBSTITUTED EVENTS ARE BASED ON A TRUE STORY


Chopped N Skrewed - T-Pain ft. Ludaris

It's my 4th night in Miami and I have no clue what to wear it's about 9pm and I'm panicking. I grab my soror and we begin to walk towards American Apparel. I always wanted a pair of those skin tight, trash bag looking leggings! I squeeze into an extra small and it's a match made in Miami heaven. I confidently walk back to my hotel eager to try on the outfit that I have created in my head. By the time I get out of the shower our crew of 5 has turned to 3 and one is sleep. I continue to get dressed as I periodically check on one of my girls to see if she's going to come. All the while ripping through my duffel bag to find a top to go with those darn leggings. I finally decide on a Green low cut V-Neck shirt that plunges below appropriate. I think to myself "I'll make the bra part of the ensemble". And there you have it I feel confident correct and ready to hang out for my last night in Miami. Me and my girl leave the hotel as a twosome and jump in a cab. We pull up with confidence exuding from every pore as I walk to the door and ask the door bouncer..."Excuse me is there a guest list"....he answers me with a seductive look in his eye and says "not for you Miss". As we pass the first barrier to a great night we walk through a restaurant to an EMPTY bar!!! No one was there, but what could I expect at 10:30pm in Miami....I get places early to avoid the hassle.

So after a couple minutes of looking around we make our way to the bar and I ask the bar tender, "excuse me sir, what's the minimum to use a credit card"..."he answers $30". So I stand there and think for a moment about the charge I'm about to put on my card...I mean after all I am in Miami on a budget and I know what will happen if I just use a little patience. So I go through my purse and come across the flier for the party..."Free Martini's and Champagne till midnight"....It's 10:45! So I confirm the special with the bar tender and we get it cracking. At about 11:30 we make our way to the restroom to sit down and let the club fill up (feet were hurting). So as time progresses and I drink some more of my champagne, we make our way back to the party. We run into some people from School and converse. I then walk to the VIP room which was open to everyone this night and run into a young man who wants to start convo. I trade laughs with him for a second as we make our way to the bar. We continue our conversation and realized our common friends and he buys my girl a drink too. He then invites me to his section where the hosts (Santana Moss and his brother and Edgerine James) are and I let him know that I will connect later.

At this point the reserved tables are still empty so me my girl and some college friends have a seat. After about ten minutes a waitress comes and asks us to move because someone has purchased the section. We oblige. At this point it is 12:30am...my feet are killing me and the vultures are out. All the women parading around like peacocks trying to catch that $100,000 nut LOL. I play it cool I'm used to being around men of this caliber...or men with money. I tell women all the time "it's not your money"! So after standing up for a while and doing another walk around the club I go back to the table we were booted from. Now there are 2 semi attractive looking males there with an empty seat. So I ask "excuse me do you mind if I sit here, my feet hurt"...without hesitation they agree to let me rest my feet. One of the guys offers me a drink that consists of Patron and Pineapple juice and we begin to talk. As I sit and conversed with him I see women putting on shows for athletes desperate for a chance to touch a trophy and I laugh to myself as I sit comfortably with my new found friend. We continue to drink and talk and enjoy the music for the next couple hours...I actually got up a couple times and he made room for me to come back, we danced to a couple slow songs and at the time he was something to do while I looked at him and thought of someone I would rather be dancing with. As the night comes to a close we exchange numbers and he asks me to add his name into my phone as James One Nighter Miami...I smile and put it in my phone and begin to walk away. He grabs my arm and pulls me close to him and whispers in my ear "I want you to come with me", In my most Ignorant voice ever I ask "Why would I do that"...This dude really thought that since I sat and drank with him that it entitled him to go home with me!!! So after my initial comment as I let him down softly lips barely touching his ear just as softly as he sent the offer I walked away. As he watched me walk away I could feel his eyes etching my silhouette into his memory. I go outside to meet my male friend and wait on valet to bring his car to around as the man whose been chopped and screwed whistles for a cab....he see's me next to my 6'4'' chocolate companion and yells a heart felt "FUCK YOU" with a middle finger to match as he jumps into his yellow cab. As I ride off into the night in the black range I think to myself damn I've done it again...